Heya, pinpals! It’s your favorite former moderator from the alt.games.pinball.moderated newsgroup, here with another email newsletter for the two dozen or so remnants from those halcyon days before the larger internet pinball community migrated first to the MegaPinFan forums and then splintered off to various closed Facebook groups over drama. Christmas is coming, and you know what that means! It means people are selling their beloved vintage tables so they can afford to buy the latest videoed game consoles for their ungrateful teenaged children. Here are a select few hot picks up for grabs, get ’em while they’re spicy!
La Casa 4&5: Resurrezione
Based on the beloved unauthorized Italian sequel films to Evil Dead. A classic euro-market table, and this one even includes the rare animatronic “pelvis spider” decoration fully working and intact.
Likely the originator of the “incredibly difficult pinball tables based on children’s properties” trend, this infamous table is punishingly hard but supposedly extremely rewarding once you beat the first stage of Miss Piggy’s wizard mode and things really open up.
Based on the Amiga CD32 port of the Super Nintendo game based on the film! This is a rare “collector’s edition” of the table, and includes the original manual, two promo flyers, a certificate of authenticity, and a making-of video on laserdisc.
Hey, everyone knows it’s basically a lazy palette swap of the Jazz Jackrabbit Christmas Chronicles table, but that was a pretty good table! Yes, the announcer voice samples that say things like “GODLIKE” and “MONSTER KILL” are here and still work wonderfully. Trivia fact: They actually brought the voice performer back to record a few new samples for this table, including replacing the original game’s “HOLY SHIT” line with the only slightly more family-friendly “HOLY PISS.”
The Downward Spiral
This one is something special, folks! It’s the fabled 1994 prototype table based on the Nine Inch Nails album, finished but never released or put into wide production. One of a kind, and when you look at it you get an inkling why; slapping a pinball into the screaming mouth of a man with a revolver to his temple and a heroin syringe sticking out of his eyeball is not my idea of pinball fun. Maybe it’s yours, though? Maybe you’re the kind of person who wants Trent Reznor to yell “YOU GET ME CLOSER TO GOD” when you hit all the popup targets that spell out “VIOLATE” and activate multiball mode. I ain’t in no place to judge you with how much I paid for my Dolly Parton’s Pinball Ranch table.