- Posts intended to go up at 12:00 AM on Friday now conform to a more relaxed schedule that better matches the procrastinating personalities of our creators and the clumsy forgetfulness of their twitching, diseased brains, as well as the gradually lowering average expectations of whatever users we have left.
- Somebody keeps suggesting a second day with biweekly updates, as if that’s gonna fucking happen.
Design and Layout
- New minimalist aesthetic better reflects how much of a shit we give, and tests well among hipster shut-ins and our core readership demographic (which is ourselves).
- Next iteration projected to be only 93% white, rather than 99.7% white.
- If we knew what that fucking smell was, we would have thrown it out, wouldn’t we?
- Do not turn off Adblock unless you are behind at least two layers of proxies. Apparently our Chechen associates have some very lax ideas about what you can sell over the internet.
Okay, is everyone seated? Lieutenant Garland, you can’t sit next to Petty Officer Grimsdottir, the restraining order is still in effect. Goddamn creep. Okay I have some technical updates from the hangar to start off with.
- Duratanium armor plating on the VF-35 Rapier Vanguard starfighter increased to 14mm
- Life support systems on all fighters adapted to also support crystalline life forms, in order to meet the standards set out in the Beta-Aquilae Accords
- Onboard music players on all fighters received software update to support Crystalline Lossless Audio Codec (CLAC) files
- Fighters in use by gelatinous pilots equipped with cockpit drains and flushing-based ejection system
Is there a question? Lieutenant Vreeland, yes? Well apparently crystalline entities are huge audiophiles, something to do with the way they detect vibrations, so that’s why Terran Command added CLAC support. If you want more information than that, just ask one of them directly, I guess? They’d know their own biology better than I.
Okay, moving on, we need to talk about the restroom situation.
The assembled officers groan.
Yeah I’m not happy about it either.