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The algorithm has selected the following Featured Post® from the db.AmILiterallyAMonster subforum to recommend for your perusal.

My [38M] wife [22F] keeps making me babysit our kid [0.4M] on work nights and I finally got fed up. AILAM?

Hey bombhounds, longtime lurker, first time poster, at least in this subforum. Some of you probably know me from moderating db.YojiChan, and those of you who don't should immediately head over and read the wiki to get acquainted with the only anime vtuber who is perpetually pregnant with the reincarnation of a dark elder god who wants to bring about the apocalypse! (It honestly adds a lot of context for how stressful the last few weeks have been if you're up to date on Y-chan's recent lore developments.)

Anyway I need to set the scene with some background. I met my wife 5 years ago, and at the time she was doing gig delivery work for an app that sadly doesn't exist anymore. I live in a pretty sparse area and my home has a little bit of foresty land lining the property, so delivery people have to spend a few minutes navigating my twisty driveway to reach the actual house, so I tend to tip really well (like nearly 18%!) if they're on time. For a while my then-future wife was the only deliverer working the area on that app, so we saw a lot of each other, and I ended up inviting her in one night when it was raining really hard, and we hit it off and got married a couple years later.

My wife is a wonderful, caring, considerate, selfless person, and even though she had less time for me when she started college, I put up with it, because I love her. I even let her to go directly to grad school after she got her bachelor's, and I helped her fill out the financial aid forms so my stock trading income wouldn't count against her for qualifying for her scholarship! So like, let's not have any illusions that I'm not doing my part in this relationship.

The first problem came when she got pregnant a little over a year ago. I told her straight up that with how busy I am managing my investment portfolio, I would not be able to be the kind of dad who's there all the time in case of an emergency. She promised me that was okay, so we decided to go ahead. I do love my son, and I am already stockpiling authentic football/baseball equipment from my league contacts whenever they need to clear out old surplus, so like I am prepared for when he is an actual person worth interacting with. I just am not really the kind of dude who "changes" "diapers," you know? I think that's pretty common, to be honest.

Problem two, the big one, started a few weeks ago. It was one of those weird unexpected lunar eclipses, you know the ones, where there were all these alarmist news articles quoting crackpot scientists about how it wasn't supposed to be able to happen based on orbits or something. (Honestly the world would be better off if more STEM nerds quit researching nonsense and pivoted to sports stat tracking like the sabermetrics guy, but whatever.) My wife was late getting home, which I expected since the radio was just nonstop interrupting the music to ramble about traffic jams from all the locusts and frogs, but when she walked in the door I took one look at her and immediately knew something was up. I'm a pretty emotionally intelligent guy and I've watched a lot of crime procedurals, so I deduced from the blood stains on her lab coat, the heavy leatherbound book I'd never seen before poking out of her bag, and the tiny shards of glowing crystal stuck in her jeans and cardigan, that she'd probably had a little tiff with one of her school friends. I was very sympathetic, I helped her to her chair in the dining room, gave her a beer and a shoulder massage, and told her if she wanted to talk about it later I'd be available after the Y-chan stream was over.

If we lived in a sane, reasonable world, that would've been the end of it. I went into the nursery and told the babysitter she could finally leave, because I assumed my wife was a mature adult who could handle a little bit of interpersonal drama without completely breaking down. This was clearly a mistake on my part! An hour later I hear the baby crying, and when I yelled to ask if everything was alright, there was no response. The crying continued for what seemed like ages so I got up to see what the problem was, and to my utter shock and disbelief my wife isnt even in the nursery, she is doing some kind of homework bullshit on her laptop with the stupid leatherbound book open next to it? Never even left the dining room table after she sat down.

I lost my temper a little bit at this point, because it's really unfair to our son to ignore him like this, and she got herself together and apologized and dashed into the nursery to do baby stuff or whatever. I'm still pretty upset at this point so I checked her laptop screen and the open page of the book to see what was so distracting. She had a search results page open for "technospirit unbanishment consequences malicious evil" which I guess is some chemistry thing, and the page spread the book was open to was some nonsense Game Of Thrones ass name with too many letters and not enough vowels, and a full-page illustration of some muscley thing that looked like the playable alien guy from Halo 2 was chased through a Spirit Halloween store's costume accessories section by the chick with the circular saw from High Tension. I didn't think anything of it, I figured she was doing chem homework and art history homework simultaneously as some sort of efficiency thing.

When I got back to my computer my mood got even sourer because I had missed both the end of the level of the Sega Saturn puzzle game Y-chan had been stuck on for two hours and a really important lore drop skit that I had to read the summary of on the wiki like some kind of casual. I calmed myself down though because marriage and parenting are all about sacrifice, even for the husband/dad sometimes. I didn't yell at my wife any further or make her sleep on the couch or anything. I played it cool.

So, of course, she used my playing it cool to just start walking all over me! Three times in as many weeks she's mandated that I watch the baby for up to an hour while the sitter rushes over to start charging me the short-notice rate, and every time there is some silly excuse why she has to rush out immediately. Last night would've been the fourth time and I put my foot down this time, and said no. I'm not gonna continue missing key Y-chan metaplot developments during my relax time after a completely exhausting day of stock trading just because my wife tells me she'll be "teleported to ultrahell for an eternity of indentured servitude to Cyberbaal" if she doesnt complete whatever the hell a "geas" is by midnight. I told her to call the cops if this power-tripping weirdo department head or whatever is threatening her for not doing extracurriculars. It shouldn't be my problem. She just got this look on her face and has been giving me the silent treatment since then before she left for class this morning. Notably, nothing happened at midnight except a really long phonecall she locked herself in my home theater for so I couldn't hear it.

So tell me, bombhounds, Am I Literally A Monster? And since I'm obviously not, what do I say when she gets home and I demand an apology?

EDIT: Wow okay the mods made me excise a ton of the Y-chan details before they'd let me post this? Like even with spoiler tags they were like "we're fascists, no, fuck you." So just know that this post is a censored shadow of what it should be.

EDIT 2: THANKS JUDGMENTAL BASTARDS!!! My wife packed up and took my son and left when she got home last night, and I couldn't stop her because her weird goth friend with glowing hands somehow froze me in place and I couldn't move or speak until several minutes after they left. My soon to be ex wife said some absolute horseshit about how I was a selfish POS for not helping her, "even if [she] now know[s] the danger wasn't real," whatever the hell that means. Cool stuff, thanks for nothing worthless forum!!

Post Approval Score: 100% downvoted (0.8% margin of error)

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