FIX: Blooboids now reproduce geometrically, not exponentially.
FIX: Blooboids now die when killed.
BALANCE: Dual Strike now hits your opponent twice. We apologize for the confusion.
BALANCE: We’re going to begin rolling out the intended Rogue abilities. Rogues can now steal things and move quietly. Being able to hide in shadows and attack enemies for damage will be implemented sometime next quarter.
CONTENT: The long-awaited Sabine Women raid is now out of beta.
CONTENT: Players level fifty or higher can now attack players level ten or lower outside of PvP. We think all involved will find this an exciting opportunity for new player interactions.
CONTENT: We removed the Bard class from the game because none of you fuckers were playing them, are you happy now? It was actually a really rewarding experience once you leveled up a bit and got used to all the hotkeys. But fuck it, he’s gone. Existing Bards are just fucked, take it up with all the Assassins and Paladins.
NEXT UPDATE: This October, we’re dropping our out-of-date subscription model for an exciting new free model paid for with microtransactions. Thanks for dropping hundreds of dollars down our monthly money hole, suckers. Players with outstanding play time on their accounts will be grandfathered into jack shit, because you were dumb enough to buy yearly subscriptions to a game that exists in the cloud and can’t be played without our constant maintenance. Suck it.