TCS Defenestrator Administrative Briefing, 0400 Hrs

Okay, is everyone seated? Lieutenant Garland, you can’t sit next to Petty Officer Grimsdottir, the restraining order is still in effect. Goddamn creep. Okay I have some technical updates from the hangar to start off with.

• Duratanium armor plating on the VF-35 Rapier Vanguard starfighter increased to 14mm
• Life support systems on all fighters adapted to also support crystalline life forms, in order to meet the standards set out in the Beta-Aquilae Accords
• Onboard music players on all fighters received software update to support Crystalline Lossless Audio Codec (CLAC) files
• Fighters in use by gelatinous pilots equipped with cockpit drains and flushing-based ejection system

Is there a question?  Lieutenant Vreeland, yes?  Well apparently crystalline entities are huge audiophiles, something to do with the way they detect vibrations, so that’s why Terran Command added CLAC support.  If you want more information than that, just ask one of them directly, I guess?  They’d know their own biology better than I.

Okay, moving on, we need to talk about the restroom situation.

The assembled officers groan.

Yeah I’m not happy about it either.