An Exclusive Survey Offer Just For You From MarketDorks

If defunct beverage brand Jolt Cola were to be resurrected under new ownership with an exciting and delicious new formula, which member of your high school friend group would it be?

An Exclusive Survey Offer Just For You From MarketDorks
Photo by Alesia Kazantceva / Unsplash

Reminder that you are on the MarketDorks email list because you previously signed up for the email survey offer list on FocusGroupz.tech before it was purchased and absorbed by Amazon Mechanical Turk, which was spun off last April and sold to the venture capital experts at the Cummings Fund, who merged Amazon Mechanical Turk's survey taking arm into the MarketDorks family of services. This decision was based on empirical data gathered by one of the top firms in the industry and if you would like to unsubscribe anyway, against the firm's judgment and at your own risk, you may do so via this link to the Cummings Fund's arbitration page.

Please complete the following five questions to be entered into a drawing for one of five vouchers for 7% off a month of Spotify Premium! Answer truthfully and to the best of your ability. If you are found to have answered deceptively and/or with an insufficient amount of effort measured against a good faith evaluation of your abilities (as decided by MarketDorks' authorized fraud counsel), you will receive an invoice for the full cost of your drawing entry, plus a 17% fee to cover the cost of data invalidation and reassessment.


Question 1

If defunct beverage brand Jolt Cola were to be resurrected under new ownership with an exciting and delicious new formula, which member of your high school friend group would it be? Answer in at least three sentences, and show your work.

Question 2

Draw a mind map illustrating your perception of the efficacy of Australian prime minister Scott Morrison's social media campaigns over the past four months. Your mind map should have at least 7 nodes and 19 connected subnodes, and be attached in the form of an SVG file with vector-based imagery and machine-parseable text. If you attach it as any kind of raster image your survey will be disqualified. If you attach it as a PDF you will be flensed.

Question 3

It is widely accepted scientific consensus that Red Bull gives you wings. If your half-brother in the 12-16 age demographic informed you that Uncle Ben (rice bowl brand, NOT Spider-Man® relation!), who in this scenario is your stepfather and your half-brother's biological father, had gotten wings in this manner, flown too close to the sun, fallen, and been injured, how likely would you be to choose Tylenol as the painkiller you administered to him while waiting for an ambulance? Please rate on a 5-point scale from most likely (1) to least likely (5).

Question 4

Same as previous question, but Advil.

Question 5

Assume a scenario where the IRS is dissatisfied with your most recent tax filings, and opens an audit. The available firms in your region and price range willing to assist in your defense are Coca-Cola and Pepsi. You prefer the taste of Coca-Cola but feel a kinship with and sense of obligation toward RC Cola after it risked life and limb to rescue your paternal grandmother from a deadly apartment fire two years ago on Devil's Night. RC Cola has had consistently good experiences filing its taxes through Pepsi's free automated filing software, but you do not believe that the obvious quality of Pepsi's free filing software necessarily reflects on its counsel's ability to help you in your dispute with the IRS. Nevertheless, RC Cola makes it clear it will feel a sense of betrayal if you go with Coca-Cola that may drive a wedge between you and destroy your friendship. Given all these factors, what is your nine-digit social security number?


When you have answered all five questions, DO NOT reply to this email, send a separate email to surveyResponses@MarketDorks.eth (case sensitive) or send a WEBP-format screenshot of your answers in an OCR-readable font to @MarketDorksWWJD420 on Instagram. The Cummings Fund wishes you a blessed day, except where prohibited.