Okay, is everyone seated? Lieutenant Garland, you can’t sit next to Petty Officer Grimsdottir, the restraining order is still in effect. Goddamn creep. Okay I have some technical updates from the hangar to start off with. Duratanium armor plating on the VF-35 Rapier Vanguard starfighter increased to 14mm

LEVEL EDITOR: Tilesets can now be mixed freely!  Your dreams of mixing Doctor’s Office with Pet Crematorium and Apartment Building That Is Really Cramped And Honestly Kind of Shitty But It’s In The City So You Put Up With It can now be realized! LEVEL EDITOR:

INTERFACE:  Added suicide command for when player is stuck in level geometry, a long line at the DMV, or a loveless marriage SOUND:  The air conditioning unit in room 23A of the tenement building level no longer makes that grinding noise when left on for too long GRAPHICS:  Added motion

BALANCE: Bloggers, firemen, and bank clerks now weep openly less often BALANCE: Listicles no longer count as content; content aggregators no longer count as people BALANCE: Spider god Asmodeus spawn rate increased FIX:  “Film” subcategory no longer redirects to the Ate My Balls Webring FIX: Blog projects by

FIX: Air no longer casts a shadow in the flashlight beam BALANCE: Loud orchestra hit to signify jump scares now louder, cheaper, more startling GRAPHICS: The spilled organs in the Haunted Daycare Center now glisten realistically. BALANCE: Flood of blood from second floor linen closet in the Haunted Bed &

BALANCE: Guns now fire bullets rather than other, smaller guns. BALANCE: Layout of CTF map Fortress of Suffering altered so that it is possible for the red team to win sometimes. FIX: In chapter 3 of the campaign, the fireplace no longer infinitely spawns hellhounds if you break the photo

FIX: Orc marriage ceremonies now finish correctly. FIX: The Red Ryder gun pellet’s damage value when ricocheted off 2 or more surfaces no longer causes a ROM buffer overflow and destroys the Earth. BALANCE:  Conservatives sort of warming up to the gays as long as the gays are

FIX:  Village bakers no longer run for mayor automatically unopposed. BALANCE:  Cupcakes are no longer a trendy “in” food. BALANCE:  Armed robberies are now more lucrative if you rob someone that is carrying money or valuables. GRAPHICS:  The trail of slime left by the Metaslug now glistens more