Guten tag, nerd nation! Rejoice, because Value Comics’ controversial crossover event The Hitler Ultimatum is finally coming out in trades! We here at the SLN Comics Silo have the exclusive skinny on the new uncensored and expanded releases of the event that The Mary Sue refused to cover, and Diamond continues to refuse to solicit! Let’s take a look at what’s in each volume…
March to The Hitler Ultimatum
Gathering together the exciting leadup to the event, Volume 0 opens with Wonder Warriors Confidential #45-49, in which the golden age Old Glory deals with the isolation and mounting guilt of having 1940s-era racial sensibilities in today’s America after the CyberCataclysm merged the Classic universe, the recently restored New World universe, and the mainstream VCU, creating the ungodly tide of continuity problems we’ve been sorting with the past few years but ultimately making things way simpler. Rejected by his former teammates in favor of the younger, hipper Faded Glory, the New World version of Sgt. Sam Johnson, he simmers with resentment and begins an unfortunately web-based hunt for the American Dream that leads him to some of the larger white nationalist forums.
This leads into Wonder Warriors seXtreme GunForce Annual #19, in which Young Lust and Gunbattler are separated from their teammates Bloodnado and Assaultforce and stranded in the Wonder Warriors’ War Marina by the rising floodwaters from Hurricane Katrina II. They initially write off Old Glory as a twisted old bigot, but his cutting “alternative” analysis of The Force Awakens and other “politically correct” cinema opens their eyes to a new world of insidious fascism. Finally, in Glory #99, Old Glory brutally murders Glory, his popular, normal, not-a-fascist modern equivalent in a series of brutally gritty, unflinchingly visceral two-page spreads, a sequence that famously took up nearly two thirds of the original issue’s page count before some of the images were removed by editorial and replaced with ads for Paxil. In the trade-exclusive expanded version, the full set of thirty-seven gory two-page spreads has room to breathe, something that beloved comic book hero Glory no longer does, because he has been murdered by a fascist.
Special Features: Cover gallery, design sketches, the full text of the unhinged forum rant visible on Old Glory’s computer screen in Wonder Warriors seXtreme GunForce Annual #19. Continue Reading
You stare into the blackness. The only sound is the howling of a wind whose origins you dare not contemplate. This wind slowly changes its direction and the howling its tune, and letters handwritten on crumpled, soft paper swirl up from somewhere below. One by one they blow into your trembling hands, presenting themselves for reading.
Ever since my sister returned from college, we haven’t been as close as we were before. Up through high school we were only a year apart and were practically inseparable, and for her first semester in college we tried to keep in touch via instant messaging but that sort of petered out as she got busier and built a new group of friends. Now that she’s living at home again for a while I hoped we would pick up where we left off, but she keeps locking herself alone in her room for long periods and when she comes out to eat or whatever she barely speaks, answering questions with single words or not at all. I’m worried about her.
Distant in Des Moines
You look to the void for answers. The shrieks of a thousand damned swell briefly before fading into nothingness; silence so pure your ears ring. Continue Reading
The mid-Eighties were a tumultuous time for the already-struggling Value Comics. Their parent company had just sold off numerous assets to stay afloat, their printers were having great difficulty acquiring green ink, and their two biggest competitors were beginning to advance in storytelling and art in ways Value simply didn’t intend to keep up with.
As tends to happen, it was decided that a line-wide shake-up was the best way to revitalize interest in a stable of characters who had been around in some form or another since the mid-50s. Cataclysm in Space had far-reaching effects on the VCU, even if it did ultimately fail to improve Value’s standing in the industry. In addition to some long-needed changes to the status quo of the line’s major characters, the event did much to streamline their oft-convoluted, frequently contradictory histories.
Jennifer Lawrence brings her quirky and irreverent charms to the Armenian genocide in Lars Von Trier’s The Girl Who Was Death, Part 1 of 3. James McAvoy and Charlie Day are exterminators who fall in love with the same unhygienic heiress in the hilarity-packed Roach Maiden. Terry Crews and Lance Reddick are profoundly uncomfortable as The Only Nonwhite People Who Were Invited To This Party.
Saoirse Ronan, who is 22, plays the love interest who revitalizes a gross middle-aged writer in The Awakening of My Wrinkled Loins. Cameron Diaz and Jessica Alba take a european hiking trip together to get over their awful exes and find out more about themselves and each other than they bargained for in Lurid Latina Lesbians in Latvia. Charlie Hunnam and Rinko Kikuchi join a knitting group and gossip with old ladies in the wholly violence-free Pacific Rim Gaiden: A Scarf For Mako.
Ioan Gruffudd and George Clooney are gay accountants in The Love Ledger. Riz Ahmed and Aziz Ansari are the only ones who can stop a daring bitcoin heist in near-future Bangkok in the cyberpunk thriller Blockchain. Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey reteam in the screwball comedy The Drag Queen In Yellow: A Sexy Occurrence At Owl Creek Bridge.
Kompjuter! Magazine, July 1995
Yahoo! Auctions, starting bid $0.35
This back issue of the seminal Maltese computer gaming mag is in near-mint condition with light shelf wear and includes the original cover disc. Inside is the infamously controversial top 25 list that nearly led to a military confrontation between Malta and Italy, four screenshots of a Doom clone that was never released, and an interview with the civil servant whose job it was at the time to censor exposed knees and elbows on game box art with stickers. The cover disc contains eighteen demos and shareware releases, among them a Latvian turn-based strategy game with battles resolved by a minigame heavily resembling “Go Fish,” a Wolfenstein 3-D clone set during the Spanish civil war, and an executable that seems to just print “SEX” and “DEATH” over and over to the DOS prompt.
A half-dozen porcelain cats in various poses
They’re adorable, hand-painted, and can also be found on AliExpress for 30 bucks or so. The seller’s entire shop inventory can in fact be found on AliExpress for under 50 dollars apiece, and everything is tagged “steampunk” regardless of relevance.
Burt the Bear Teaches Programming
Barnes & Noble, $11.99
Let your kids learn to program in Python with this helpful cartoon guide narrated by TV’s Burt the Bear. Included tutorial projects begin with a simple “hello world” and then branch out in many different directions, from a tax calculator to a program that just prints “SEX” and “DEATH” over and over to the command prompt.